My entire life, my mother and siblings have always referred to me as the dumb, fat, ugly, stupid, no good, worthless, child. Not a single one of my 3 siblings likes me, nor does my mother. And because of it, none of them have any relationship with my children. They all know that both my kids are autistic, but that's it. No one ever calls, or texts me. No one checks on my kids, sends gifts, etc. Not a single one of them care. To my "mother" and siblings, my kids don't exist and are therefore the same "failure" that they think I am. No matter how well I've done for myself, or how much I've bent over backwards to help out, and to do nice things for them, I've never been good enough. Having a 4.0 GPA during my senior year of high school wasn't good enough. Always having a full-time job from age 16 on, while still going to school full time, and keeping my grades up, wasn't good enough. Being entirely self supporting from age 16 on, was never good enough. They've always treated me horribly, picked on me, and called me horrible things to my face. To this day, they still do. And a lot of it, they've begun doing to my kids as well. It's really hard for any parent to accept that their child has a disability, but it's been even harder for me because of my "family".
I haven't told very many people that Edward is in both Kindergarten and Pre-k this year. The last thing I need, is to hear my "family" start insulting my son, calling him horrible names, and making him feel completely worthless. I don't need to hear their nonsense, and my five year old doesn't deserve their nastiness at all. He's 5, and he's autistic. Subjecting him to horribly mean people isn't right, and I refuse to do it. I might not be able to do it forever, but for right now, while my kids are still little, they have absolutely nothing to do with my "family". When they are older, and I feel like they are able to make informed decisions, my kids can choose for themselves, who to have a relationship with. But the fact that my "mother" and siblings make absolutely zero effort to even remember that my kids exist makes me feel pretty confidant that my kids will be safe from their drama for a very long time. They don't call, come to visit, text, nothing. My "family" has no idea the extent of my kids' autism, or the challenges that they face, and I plan to keep it that way for as long as possible. My "mother" and younger sister have already said horrible things to me about my kids after finding out that they were diagnosed with autism, and none of them have even seen my kids in years. My mother has only met Edward 3 times in his life, and Serenity just once. It's pathetic! They have absolutely no right to ever comment anything about my children, yet they do. But considering that they know absolutely nothing about me, and walk around telling anyone that will listen, all about how horrible I am, there is no doubt in my mind that they say the same things about my kids. They aren't good people at all, and I know for a fact that if they knew that Edward is in both Kindergarten and Pre-k, I'd constantly be hearing about how "stupid" and "worthless" my son is. And heaven forbid Edward be held back at the end of the year . . . I just can't handle that nightmare. My younger sister is a kindergarten teacher, with a "degree" in "special education", yet she knows absolutely NOTHING about Autism, and loves to tell me what horrible, misbehaved terror children I am raising, and how I'm a terrible mother, blah blah blah. I seriously baffles me how hateful some people can be, especially "family". But that is just the way those people are, and there is nothing that I can do to change it. And trust me, I've tried!
Edward's progress report came home today, and I am very proud of him. My close friends and extended family have all noticed a HUGE change in Edward since he started school a few months ago, and he continues to grow and learn every single day. Before he turned 2, Edward knew the alphabet, could identify most shapes, and could count to 20. Before starting school he could count to 40 or 50, and identify all shapes and letters. Unfortunately, Edward is super shy, and doesn't like to participate in an environment that he isn't comfortable with, so he refused to participate in the tests that his teachers were trying to do, to determine his skill set. It drove me crazy because I know how smart Edward is, and I kept telling his teachers that he knew the stuff, but he needed to be able to prove it to them, and Edward just wasn't interested in participating. Instead, he completely withdrew, and would crawl under the tables in his classroom, trying to hide, or lay down on the floor, and hide his face. It made me really sad, and I almost wanted to go sit at school with him, and let him sit on my lap, just so I could help him through the day. Edward wasn't able to sit still when he was supposed to, wasn't able to join the class for carpet time, without messing around, and wasn't interested in socializing with the other kids. Plus, we had been working to potty train him for over a month (because he's completely refused for the last several years, every time we've tried), and was having a really hard time with it because he refused to use the bathroom on his own, and screamed bloody murder, throwing a massive fit every time Chris and I told him to go use the bathroom. Edward was put into Pre-k to work on those skills, and I want to say that he's mastered them. I absolutely love Edward's Pre-k teacher, but I'm just about ready to ask if he can go back to being in Kindergarten full-time. I feel like Edward is ready. He's clearly making progress, he can count to 100 and brags about it, which most kids his age can't do. Part of me wants Edward's teachers to come to me, and tell me that they want to move him back to Kindergarten full-time, but the other part of me doesn't think that they'll even consider doing it unless I ask. I'm not quite sure what to do, but judging by the progress report that came home today, I think he's ready. Today was the last day of school before Thanksgiving, so I'll be thinking about what to do over the next 9 days, then approaching the subject with the school from there.
In other news, I had a meeting with Edward's pre-k teacher the other day, as well as Serenity's Early Intervention care coordinator, and I signed the paperwork to transfer Serenity's care to the school system and soon as she turns 3 in February. She will have the same pre-k teacher as Edward, only she will go to school in the morning, and I'll be picking her up at the time Edward switches classes. Right now, Serenity is receiving in home Speech Therapy, twice a month for 30 minutes, and she'll be starting Occupational Therapy, also in home, on Monday, which she'll get twice a month for an hour. I love that Serenity's therapists will come to us. It makes things so much easier for me. I don't have to fight Serenity to get her dressed, and in the car to go somewhere, and she is much more comfortable being home, in her own environment. The day we met her new speech therapist, Serenity was excited to see her walk in the door with a bag of toys to play with, and was more than happy to sit there playing with her. Normally, Serenity is like Edward and will shut down and hide from new people, but I guess it's different when she's in her safe space at home. It will be interesting to see what happens when she switches to the school system in February, but Edward's Pre-k teacher is amazing, and the sweetest lady in the world. It's literally like having Grandma around. Or at least that's how I feel about her. As much as I am looking forward to Serenity starting school, I'm also dreading it. Serenity is my baby, and I am just not ready for her to be so grown up, and start doing big girl things. Part of me wants to keep her little forever, even though I know how completely ridiculous and impossible that is. Serenity is growing up, whether I like it or not. Right now, her biggest thing is not wanting to wear a diaper anymore. Chris and I don't think that Serenity is necessarily ready to be potty trained, because we don't think that she is capable of telling us when she needs to use the bathroom, but right now, she's changing her own diaper several times a day. Every time she wets, she changes herself. And if she has a bowl movement, you had better get to it before Serenity does, or it will likely end up all over the floor, the walls, and spread over Serenity's entire body. She's kind of disgusting. All of that is supposed to be a sign of being ready to potty train, so this next week will be spent attempting to teach Serenity to use the bathroom. I'm sure things are about to get very interesting in our house for a while.
Here is a copy of Edward's IEP, and also the progress report that came home today. I just realized that I failed to take a picture of his report card when it came home a few weeks ago, but that's ok. I am super proud of my little boy, and everything that he has accomplished. He is a completely different kid than he was when he first started school. He's hard a tough year with us moving, and leaving behind his awesome therapy office, all his friends, and the only home he's ever known. He's basically started his life all over again in a new state, but he's thriving now, and I couldn't be happier.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, and I'll probably post again next week. Please leave me comments if you would like to, and if there is anything that you would like to see or hear about, or if there is something that you are concerned over, or of course if you have any questions, please feel free to drop them in the comments, and I will definitely include them in future posts.
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