This week, my 5 year old, Edward, was invited to two birthday parties for kids in his classes at school. After speaking to my son's kindergarten teacher, getting her knowledge and advice about the situation, I called both birthday kids' moms and RSVP'd to the parties, making sure that it was ok for not only my son to attend, but also myself and my two year old. Then, I spent all week preparing my kids to attend the parties.
Monday, I took Edward shopping for the first party, while leaving my two year old daughter Serenity, home with Daddy. Shopping went ok, but things started to go down hill when Edward kept wanting to buy things for himself rather than for his friend. He picked out a Super Mario toy and t-shirt for his friend, but then decided that he wanted to get himself a Mario watch. Edward is 5. I'm not sure he even knows what a watch is for, but he has his heart set on getting a Mario watch, and decided to have a meltdown in the middle of Target because even though we had been talking about it for the past two hours, he somehow thought that I was going to buy him the watch he wanted. Trying to get him to focus on the task of buying his friend a birthday gift, and then picking out a gift bag and card was just too much. I finally gave up and decided to just choose a bag myself and head home.
We had a pretty eventful week ahead of us with it being Red Ribbon Week at school, and packed with events. Each day had its own dress up theme, and because Autism, my kid chose not to participate in most of it. Monday was easy because it was wear red day. Cool, red shirt for the day. Check! Tuesday was bright colors & sunglasses day. Edward threw a massive fit Monday afternoon, about wanting to wear his cool PJMasks sunglasses to school the next day. We hadn't seen the glasses since we moved back in May, but I searched the house, and managed to find them. Go figure, Tuesday comes, and the child REFUSES to wear his glasses. Come to find out when I picked him up from school, he had buried the glasses in the bottom of his backpack and didn't even show them to his teachers or anything. I tried to get him to at least show his teacher, but he refused. Wednesday comes, and it is crazy hair/clothes day. A few days prior, I tried to buy colored hair spray at Walmart, just so my kid with the super short hair could participate in crazy hair day at school. But nope, he didn't want to pick out a color, or even consider participating. Thursday was a piece of cake because it was Favorite Sports Team day. Easy Peasy! Our family is Kansas City Chiefs football fans, but our kids outgrew the chiefs gear that we had bought them in the past, but the both have Baltimore Ravins t-shirts that their fairy godmother bought them a couple months ago when Edward's kindergarten class was learning about colors, and had a different color dress up day every day. Being a boy, and obsessed with Thomas the Train and Super Mario, Edward didn't have any purple clothes, but he does have a super awesome fairy godmother who happens to live in Baltimore, and immediately jumped online and sent both kid Ravins t-shirts. Thursday was also school carnival day; aka, the BIGGEST school fundraiser of the year. (More about that in a minute.) Friday finally comes, and it is 50's day at school. The school is celebrating their 60th anniversary, and everyone is dressing in clothes that would have been worn when the school first opened in September 1958. Cool, t-white shirt and jeans it is! Except that my kid doesn't have a plain white t-shirt. He has a white collard shirt. And white shirts with stuff like Batman and Thomas the Train on them. Whatever, white collared shirt works. It wasn't the perfect 50's dress up outfit, but since when does my kid participate in dress up days anyway? Anything that isn't an every day thing for him, he completely refuses to participate in. There was no way I was about to run to the store to buy my kid a plain white t-shirt. He would have worn it again, but everyone knows that white attracts dirt, and is just begging to be stained. Especially by a 5 year old boy. Making a special trip to the store to get a shirt that he didn't actually need just doesn't make sense to me. It's a waste of time, money and energy, and just wasn't happening. My kid fit in enough, and it's not like he cared anyway, so a partial win is good enough for me.
Thursday night's school carnival was pretty fun. It was raining, but we had a good time. However, it's been a rough few days in our house behavior wise, and going out in public was the icing on the cake of insanity. Both kids were super excited to go to the carnival, and had a really hard time waiting the hour and a half between when we picked Edward up from school, and when the carnival finally started. They whined, begged, cried, and fighted the entire time we were home, until we finally got to the carnival. On the way, we had to run to the store so I could get money, because this mommy doesn't carry cash. I only carry plastic, because I feel safer that way, and it keeps me from spending money if when some places don't take credit. The kids weren't interested in making a stop on the way to the carnival and fought the entire two minutes we were in the grocery store. We ran in just so I could buy a bottle of soda to drink at the carnival, and pull some cash out of the bank account. Of all the STUPID things in the world to fight over, my children fought over who got to hold my umbrella while I used the self check out. I had given the umbrella to Serenity when we walked in the door because I had been carrying her, and it was just easier to let her hold it since she had latched on as we walked thru the parking lot. I have no idea why the umbrella turned into a fight, but apparently Edward didn't want Serenity to hold it, and had it in his head that he needed to take it away from her. I was just trying to focus on getting out of the store as quick as I could, and keep my kids from causing a major scene, so with a few "knock it off" and "give it back to your sister" comments, I bought my soda, got some cash, and got us out of the store as fast as I could. However, walking back thru the parking lot was another challenge. Of course after less than a second of being told to stay out of the puddles, Edward purposely jumps in a puddle. Once again, I was carrying Serenity, trying to keep her dry, but she was angry about the whole umbrella situation and squirming in my arms trying to get down, which caused me to drop my cell phone in a puddle while trying to wrangle her into the car, and her car seat. Awesome, wet phone! Thank goodness for a thick case, my phone is completely fine. There was a little bit of water on the outside, but that was it. I got the kids in the car, and it was off to the school we went. A friend of ours was on their way down from about an hour away, to go to the carnival with us, but was running late, and hubby was stuck working, so as usual, it was the Mommy show.
The second we got to the school, Serenity was wanting to run off in one direction, while Edward wanted to go in another. Being autistic, neither of my kids does well in crowds, and they both take off in different directions and need constant supervision. Knowing that the carnival would be crowded since they moved it inside because of the rain, I left Serenity's stroller in the car. Bad idea!!! We were inside for less than 5 minutes before I was in over my head, and decided to head back outside to the car, to get the stroller. I have to say, I absolutely LOVE Edward's principal. She is the sweetest lady in the world! This woman knows every single student in the school, and I believe their parents as well. I was told that she studies the computer before school starts, and memorizes everyone's names. I was shocked a few days into the school year when I dropped Edward off and she greeted him by name. We had only lived in this town for a few months, and it was only the third day of school and the principal already knew my kid. My first thought was "great, what has my little demon done now?!" I went to the same school for 9 years, and I'm pretty sure that for at least the first 3 years the principal had no idea who I was. As far as I know, the principal only got to know my family after my mom became part of the planning team to turn the school from being a regular elementary school, to a performing arts academy. My mom spent months in meetings with the principal and other teacher and parent team members, so I'm pretty sure that's what got our family so well known. But there was no way that on the third day of school the principal had any clue that I even existed. But this principal, she's amazing! She knows everyone, and makes herself super accessible. When we got to the school for the carnival, she was standing right inside the door, greeting everyone, and immediately noticed my struggle with Serenity. When we went to head back outside to get the stroller, she asked if we were leaving already, and I told her I was just going to get the stroller. Being a special needs parent, she knows my family situation very well, as she's been in multiple meetings with us as we get Edward's IEP written. She immediately offered to watch Edward for me, and grabbed him, sitting down on a bench to hug on him and give him a all her love and attention while I dealt with Serenity. That principal is one of my favorite people in the world right now. I wish I could move her into our house to help with the kids. She's so patient, and loves every kid at the school. One day last week Edward forgot his backpack and I didn't know it until he was getting out of the car to go to class. I had to run back home for his backpack, and then run it back to the school. When I walked into the office, the principal immediately knew who I was, who my kid was, exactly where to take his backpack, and was happy to help. The week prior, I had to pick Edward up early one day, to take him to the doctor. I was in a hurry and not paying attention when I walked into the office with Serentiy. I saw a few ladies standing behind a desk, but wasn't paying attention to who they were. I just told them that I needed to pick my son up for a doctor appointment, and immediately one of the ladies spoke up. It took me a second before I realized who it was, but that amazing principal knew who I was, who my son was, and exactly who's class he was in and where they were. Edward switches between a few teachers every day, but that amazing woman knows everything. I barely know who his teachers are, but his principal knows his every move. She's totally amazing! So anyway, back to the stroller situation. I got Serenity in her stroller and headed back into the carnival, thanking the principal for her help. The kids and I went into the cafeteria where they had different carnival games and candy for prizes. Having Serenity corralled in the stroller made everything so much easier! Before being in the stroller, she was all over the place, trying to steal candy from the prize buckets, and throwing a tantrum as soon as I stopped her. I was able to help Edward play games while Serenity chilled in her stroller, watching Youtube Kids on my phone. She was content to watch videos and take turns playing games. Serenity's stroller and Youtube are seriously my life savers! Next, we moved onto the gym where they had bounce houses. Hello terror children! Serenity was grouchy having not taken a nap, and as soon as she saw the bounce houses, she was no longer content to sit in her stroller. I let her get out and watched the kids run around with all the other kids, going between the four bounce houses in the gym. Little did I know, that while looking back and forth between my kids, another teacher had caught Serenity trying to escape the gym door. Thank goodness her attempt was foiled, but then I got the fight of my life trying to get her back into the stroller, AND convince Edward that it was time to go and let's go try the cake walk. Serenity was pretty ticked off, and throwing a massive fit. She had also been trying to strip her clothes off while in the bounce houses. Child does NOT like to wear clothes, and she was angry that I kept catching her trying to pull her pants off, and making her put them back on. Fighting her over staying dressed and then over sitting in her stroller was a fun spectator event. Once again, I was THAT mom. I got us out of the gym as fast as I could and then corralled Serenity the best I could for a few minutes while letting Edward do the cake walk. Unfortunately, he didn't win (he was on the number next to the winner a couple times), but I fixed his disappointment with the promise of going to see Daddy at work and getting a Happy Meal. Bribes don't always work with my kids, but every so often the promise of a happy meal and chocolate milk will fix a tough situation. Once getting out of the school (we lasted a whole hour at the carnival; it was a 4 hour event), we met up with our friend who had come to help with the kids, and went to visit Chris at work.
Edward and Serenity LOVE visiting Daddy at work. Ever since we moved back in May, Chris works crazy hours. He is only required to work 50 hours a week, but for the last few months it's been more like 80-100. A lot of the time I feel like a single mom, which seems completely unfair on so many levels. I'm not at all single, I am actually very happily married. Buy my husband works really hard to take care of us, and his job isn't easy. They've had A LOT of drama at work, and Chris has been tasked with fixing problem after problem, so he's working crazy hours, and is usually only home to sleep. Things are FINALLY starting to calm down lately, and he's now got his days off back, so we actually get to spend time together as a family, but other than his days off on Monday and Tuesday, the kids don't get to see much of him. Chris works 3pm-1am, so the kids hardly see him awake. Once a week or so, we'll go visit Daddy at work, and have dinner as a family, and both Edward and Serenity absolutely love it! They are so thrilled to see their Daddy that they jump into his arms, and love on him until it's time to come home again. Having come from the school carnival, both kids were sugared up from all the candy they were given, and Serenity was grouchy and in terror mode, so our dinner with Daddy of course involved Serenity trying to strip her clothes off multiple times. How would you like to explain to your employees why your two year old is running around half naked? Lucky for us, Chris' coworkers all know who we are and that our kids are autistic, and they've been around us enough to more or less laugh off our kids' crazy antics. We just roll our eyes at Serenity's stripping attempts and make some joke comment about how she'll be paying for college in the future. It's always amusing to see other people's reactions to our jokes. Chris and I have a pretty twisted sense of humor. Every so often, we'll make a totally off the wall comment, just because it's funny, and we know it'll shock everyone around us. It's how we entertain ourselves. Serenity's current obsession with stripping her clothes off is just too perfect to not joke about. Especially after a long day of fighting over keeping her clothed.
By the time we got home from the school carnival, I was beyond exhausted and ready to be done for the week. It was only Thursday night, but to me it felt like the week had lasted over a month. I was physically, mentally and emotionally drained, and just wanted to go to bed and sleep for a week straight. At the moment, I was less than thrilled about it being Thursday night, and having to get the kids ready for bed, then stay awake getting Edward ready for school the next morning. I had clothes to find and set out, a behavior chart to sign, and a lunch to pack for the next day. Plus, every night, when I get Edward's stuff ready for the next day, I also have to check to make sure that he still has two extra sets of clothes in his backpack, just in case he has an accident or something at school, and needs a clean outfit to change into. I was seriously debating how horrible it would be if I were to let Edward skip school on Friday on account of Mommy is exhausted and needs a break.
After school on Friday, I took both kids to Walmart to pick out the gift for the second party. Talk about a nightmare! This time, Edward was completely ok, but Serenity decided that she was going to be the child to have a meltdown. Somehow she had it in her head that the toys we were picking out for the birthday boy, were for her. She was sitting in the shopping cart throwing a fit because she wanted to play with the toys, and my son was walking along side the cart telling her "NO!!! This isn't for you!" Once again, I was THAT mom! The mom walking thru Walmart, with one kid throwing a tantrum because she wants a toy that she can't have, and a second child rudely, loudly commenting to his sister about how the toys aren't for her, she can't touch them, and to "Stop it, Sissy!" Two loud, crying, fighting kids in Walmart, causing a scene. I was so agitated and trying to keep my sanity in check, while trying to calm both kids, that I decided that it would be easier if I just bought them both a cheap toy. That way everyone had a toy to play with, and the insanity could end . . . Nope! Unfortunately for me, buying each kid their own toy didn't end the insanity at all. Luckily, it didn't make things any worse, but it definitely didn't help.
Saturday finally comes, and the first birthday party is a few hours away. Halloween is in a few days, so of course the parents are having a costumer party for their kid. Cool, costumes are always fun! I have no problem with going to a costume party. My kids picked out their costumes weeks ago, and everything I needed was already delivered by amazon. Score! We are ready! Or so I thought . . . My autistic 5 year old is having the same meltdown he's had for the last 3 years; he doesn't want to put on the costume that I spent so much money on. When he was 2, I ordered him an adorable Olaf costu me. It's STILL sitting in the closet, never been worn. When he was 3 the child insisted on a pirate costume. When I tried to get him dressed for Halloween, he REFUSED to put it on. Then last year, it happened again with the Flash costume the child begged me for. I'm not too surprised that this nightmare is happening AGAIN this year, but I'm annoyed that once again, I spent money on the costume that my kid begged for, and just HAD to have. But as usual, the child refuses to even touch the thing. NOT COOL!!! My husband is a saint, and the last few years has managed to force our son into his costume, and although he's very angry at the time, within a half hour, our son calms down, realizes that wearing his costume means that strangers will give him free candy when he knocks on their door and says "trick or treat", and for the rest of the night, he is completely thrilled to be wearing the costume wanted. I'm REALLY hoping for hubby to have the same luck this year, as he's had in the past, because I have no idea what I'll do if our son continues the costume fight. But for now, there won't be a Mario costume worn to the birthday party. My son had dresses himself for the day, wearing jeans and a Thomas the Train t-shirt. I argued with him, and at the suggestion of hubby, threatened to accidentally spill a bottle of water on his shirt, in order to at least get him to change into a Mario t-shirt. The threat of water was enough, and miraculously, the child let me change him into his Super Mario t-shirt. Small win for Mommy this time! In the mean time, my two year old is happily all decked out in her favorite Minnie Mouse dress, black tights, and the sparkly mouse ears that I ordered a few weeks ago. We only rarely have problems dressing our daughter. She usually doesn't like to wear clothes, but doesn't often fight us when it's time to get dressed. Especially if we put her in her favorite Mickey or Minnie Mouse clothes. She was thrilled to be wearing her costume, and couldn't wait to go to the party. But in the process of getting ready to go, Edward was fighting us about what to wear, and then started saying "I'm sick! I stay home!" Hello anxiety!
I think most autistic kids also suffer from anxiety. Neither of my kids does well in crowds, or new/different places and situations. We don't necessarily have a routine the way a lot of other autistic families do, but we do tend to do a lot of the same things with our kids, and only go certain places, because our kids can't handle anything new or different. If we go out to eat, we have our favorite places that we go to, where we've eaten several times prior, and our kids feel safe and comfortable being. We don't like to go to a lot of new places because the unfamiliar setting overwhelms our kids, which causes tantrums, meltdowns, and crazy behavior. Over the last two years, we've randomly added new destinations to our outings, and with the help of cell phones, tablets, and kids youtube kids, Edward and Serenity have survived with only slight behavior issues. But this week has been one thing after the next for us, and a lot of it has been new adventures. Even though the kids were super excited to go to birthday parties, they were both completely overwhelmed. I spent all week dreading going to the parties, not looking forward to the upcoming tantrums and meltdowns. Because my kids are autistic and don't do well in new environments, it is a lot easier on all of us, if we just stay home and hang out as a family. Our home is a safe environment for our family. It is completely drama free, and we have everything set up to where we are perfectly comfortable with the kids running around playing together. We keep the kitchen and bathroom off limits, but other wise the kids are able to play as they'd like anywhere in the house. We have minimal furniture just because it makes things easier for us. There is less to clean, and fewer things that can potentially hurt the kids. The only furniture in the kids' bedrooms are their beds and a toy box. It's all they need. I keep all their clothes hung and folded in their closets, and I keep the closet doors closed and secured with baby knobs. The kids can run and play anywhere in the house that they want, and it is completely safe for them. I never have to worry about someone running into a dresser and hitting their head, or pulling a table with a heavy TV on top of it, down on top of them. Our TVs are wall mounted, along with the video game consoles and cable boxes. Our home is the one place that we don't have to worry about our kids being. The doors are locked and alarmed, and the windows don't open. Our kids know that they are safe, and can play as they please. We don't have many rules, so the kids can enjoy being themselves. Being home is easy, and enjoyable. But then a monkey wrench is thrown into our lives in the form of birthday party invitations, and our kids' lives are completely turned upside down.
We had a great time at the birthday parties this weekend, but it definitely didn't come without hiccups. First we had the costume/clothes battle. Edward wanted nothing to do without someone out of the norm. Then we had the anxiety of not wanting to leave the house. Next came the immediate meltdowns at the parties.
Party #1:
We get out of the car, and Serenity sees the bounce house in the backyard. As I'm trying to help Edward out of the car, Serenity starts taking off across the front yard of the house we had just arrived at, wanting to go take over the bounce house. I had never met the birthday kid, his parents, or anyone else at the party, and within seconds of arrival, my two year old has it in her head that she's going to announce our presence by sneak attack invading the backyard and taking up residence in the bounce house. I was able to catch up to her, and scoop Serenity into my arms, and politely enter the home to meet the birthday kid's mom and grandma. Luckily, when I had called to RSVP earlier in the week, when I mentioned to the mom that my kids are autistic, she was thrilled to hear it and excitedly told me that her kid is too. It was honestly such a relief to be among people who actually are going thru the exact same thing as we are, and completely understand my kids' quirks. As soon as we entered the party house yesterday, Edward immediately threw himself on the floor, cowering in a corner. His friend's grandma immediately sat down next to him, talked to him super calm, and rubbed his back for a few minutes until Edward opened up, and joined the other kids to play. In the mean time, Serenity had been offered food, and like the little piggy she is, she was eager to dive into cupcakes, cookies, candy, and other junk food. If you didn't know better, you might think that I starve that child. I don't, we just don't give our kids very munch junk food. Their junk intake is extremely limited, so when they are offered something that Chris and I only rarely give them, our kids dive in like they're starving to death. It's almost amusing to watch. From that moment, things were going well. Edward almost had a potty accident at the party, until I noticed his hiding and trying to hold it in, and picked him, running him to the bathroom. We've been working on potty training since around June, but things haven't gotten any easier. Every day is a potty challenge. Some times Edward is fine and will go without any accidents, but others, he just doesn't care, and it's one accident after the next. Yesterday, was an ok day. He almost had an accident at the party, but I saved the day, and he was able to go right back to playing with his friends. He LOVED jumping in the bouncy house with the other kids, and even played on the swing set with Serenity, which turned out to be Serenity's favorite thing to do. Once she discovered the swing set, nothing else mattered. At one point, while playing in the bounce house with the other kids, one of the parents called over to me to tell me that Edward had gotten hurt. He somehow hurt his ankle, but after a few minutes of crying, and seeing all the other kids having a great time, Edward jumped up and went back to playing. We stayed at the party for about an hour, and as soon as I noticed the kids attitudes starting to change, I quickly corralled them, went and thanked the hosts for inviting us, and left as quickly as we could. As we were walking across the lawn to the car, I hear Edward whining, saying that he's stinky and needs new underwear. Joy!!! It's a good thing we were getting in the car because I would have hated to have to figure out a way to sneak my kid out of there without anyone noticing the stench coming from my five year old.
Party #2:
The second birthday part of the weekend was at the local gymnastics center. Walking into the party, we had zero issues. There wasn't any costume theme, or anything, so all I had to deal with earlier today, was the excitement of wanting to be at the party all day, when the party didn't start until 5pm. getting to the party, the kids were super excited to seen a huge room with padded mats and two huge bounce houses. SCORE!!! I was thrilled, thinking this was going to be a cake walk. The mom in charge saw us and came over to introduce herself. We got to talking, and one of her kids is autistic too. Turns out, this mom is also a teacher, and offers to help me with anything I need, answer any questions, anything at all. I love it!!! Once again, I don't have to explain my kids' quirks to anyone. This is awesome!!! 15 minutes later, Serenity has smelled pizza and sniffed out the kitchen where the food was, so she was sitting there eating her heart out, and I see Edward coming across the other room toward us, with a panicked look on his face.. "Mommy, my clothes are wet!" Great! Freaking fantastic!!! We've been at this party full of people we don't know for a whole 15 minutes, and Edward has an accident. I hurry Serenity along, helping her scarf down her pizza, quickly run to the host mom and tell her that Edward had an accident, so I'm running him home to change and we'll be back in about ten minutes or so. She was totally nice about it. We even talked about it when I got back with the kids. I seriously love that mom! She was the nicest, most friendly lady I've met in the longest time. The rest of the party went off without a hitch, and my kids had a blast! As usual, Edward had zero interest in presents, cake, or anything else. He just wanted to play in the bounce houses, so I let him do it. Serenity ate, and ran around playing, just like she does at home. Altogether, I think we were at that party for an hour and a half. The kids had the best time, and were exhuasted and pretty much ready for bed when we got home. They whined a little bit, ate some chicken nuggets, and happily went to bed without a fight. It was the easiest bedtime I've ever experienced with them!
All in all, it was a fun week. I'm sad that it is now midnight Sunday night, and I now need to get Edward's school stuff ready for tomorrow, and start another week. I almost feel like I didn't even get a weekend to recover from this past week, and now I have to do it all over again. Plus, Halloween is on Wednesday. Oddly, Edward doesn't have school on Wednesday, so that should be interesting. Personally, I think it would be better to not have school the day AFTER Halloween, but it's not my decision, so whatever. Free candy day is just a few days away, so I'll survive. Plus, when Chris gets off work tonight, he doesn't have to go back until Wednesday morning, and then he'll be off early to go trick or treating with us. It's going to be another busy, but fun week.
Sorry this got so long, but I'm trying to make it a point to share our autistic life with everyone. Our life isn't perfect or easy by any means. A lot of days are hard and often messy. Autism is definitely not a walk in the park. It can be extremely challenging at times, but also fun. This week has been really challenging for our family, but we survived it, and actually had a really good time. When things get rough, I may cry and want to rip my hair out, but at the end of the day, it's just a tough day, not a bad life, and everything is always ok in the end. After all, they do say that "Things are ALWAYS ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end." You just have to take things as they come, and trudging on. Trust me, I'm not a saint at all. Just a couple days ago I had a massive anxiety attack, and cried for hours. Poor Chris left work early to come to be with me and talk me thru it. He's my rock, and the one person that I can always count on for everything. He always makes sure that everything is ok, and keeps me going when all I want do is just give up. I never wanted to be a special needs parent. It's actually the one thing that I knew I NEVER wanted, and prayed to never experience. But obviously, God has other plans for me, and gave me two very different, very autistic kids. Our life is definitely an adventure, but I do really love it. My husband and kids are my absolute favorite people in the entire world. and there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for them. We have our challenges, just like everybody else. The kids make me completely crazy. But then they snuggle up with me and give me hugs and kisses, telling me that they love me so much. One of my favorite things lately is Edward giving me a hug and kiss and telling me "I love you in the morning!" It's the cutest thing ever and completely melts my heart. My kids might be a handful, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Again, sorry this is so long, I just want to be able to be completely honest and share all the struggles with you that we are going thru. I'm going to try my best to keep future blogs shorter. I'll also be sharing some other autism blogs that I think are inspirational and have a good message. If you know of anything that you think that my family, or others could benefit from, please feel free to share in the comments.
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